You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
