just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
