Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
