we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your penis caused this!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
