it's like her boobs came off with her bra
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
