I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
