4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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