my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
