How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
