And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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