Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
too bad you live with your parents still
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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