i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
