so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
