I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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