she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
