If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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