You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
