stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
