Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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