honey bunches of taint.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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