Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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