just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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