What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
