And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
