Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
