I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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