I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
