woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
