How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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