I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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