Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Randomize
