i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize