I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
