Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
