I puked a lego.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
