he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
