Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
