my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
