I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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