just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
