Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
