he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
