In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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