he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
