so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
