she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You made out with two different species that night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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