a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
