so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
