Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
