I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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