This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize