I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
