i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
