I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
