Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
