Don't make out with my wife yet
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
