dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
