hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
