I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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