I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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