I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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