I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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