oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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