it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
