Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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