So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
