She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
