so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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