did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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