dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
