Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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